Be not silent, O God of my praise! Psalm 109:1
I could not hear it. Since I am housebound and cannot walk witout pain, every Sunday for the past ten months I have tuned into the live stream of my church’s worship service. I bring up the social media link on my phone and then cast it to my TV. Today I had the picture but no sound.
First world problem…modern technology is great…when it works.
Was it my phone? I fiddled with the settings. Nope. I disconnected the stream and tried the connection through my desktop computer. Um, that didn’t work either. My heart sank. My weekly link with the Body of Christ in my little church was broken. I couldn’t hear the hymns, the prayers, or the Bible readings. It was an eerie feeling to see lips move but not be able to understand. I have a renewed empathy for the hard of hearing.
I must admit there are times I feel that way with God. I know He is present, He always is… But I cannot hear Him speaking into my life. Though I call out, my situation remains the same. It is as if my prayers hit the ceiling and then disintegrate into a puff of dust. Have you experienced that?
David in the Bible did. Read Psalm 109. He most likely crouched in a cave, hiding from Saul’s soldiers who sought to kill him so he wouldn’t take the throne. God had anointed him, yet the time for him to reign had yet to happen. Instead of fanfare and celebration of the royal robe wrapping in his shoulders, he now only heard the drips of stalactites and shivered in the coldness of the dark stone. Though he had to remain silent, he begged God not to be so.
I get that.
The Psalm continues with him asking God to smite his enemies. I get that as well. I want action. I want God to swoop down like a superman daddy and fix everything. I want the constant pain to end and be able-bodied again. Wouldn’t I serve you better that way, LORD?
But then, at the end of the psalm, David turns his attitude around.
With my mouth I will give great thanks to the Lord;
I will praise him in the midst of the throng.
For he stands at the right hand of the needy one,
to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.
Jesus, in the silent night of Gethsemane, knelt in the silent night as his disciples slept, ignorant of his angst. He wanted his Father to take away the fate that awaited him—dying on the cross so His death would defeat sin and again bridge the gap between humans and their Creator. (see Luke 22:41-43).
But like his ancestor David, Jesus relinquishes his will to God’s. And so must I. It is the best thing to do.
Okay, I realize I am not facing enemies trying to slaughter me or have the eternal fate of humanity resting on my actions. But my health has isolated me. At times the silence is loud. I am tired of reaching out to friends and family who rarely reach back out to me. After all these months, they are living their lives but because I cannot be a part of it, I am not on their radar screen.
Yet in my heart, I know that God never disconnects from me. I might not hear His footsteps across my path but I have the examples of David and Jesus to rely upon. And Paul, and thousands of others who have suffered and yet not lost hope.
I will not be silent in my faith. I will praise the LORD in the midst of my “cave” and the dark silence of the garden even though my friends and family go on with their lives and do not notice my suffering. I know He is listening even though I cannot hear Him. I know in my heart I do not travel this road in solitude, even though it often feels that way.
God is there, and He cares.
So, I bow to His mercy… again and again. And I pray for others who feel alone in silence. Be it in a nursing home, or locked in their bedroom, or seated in a crowded school cafeteria, or cubicled in a noisy workplace. May they feel the hand of God rest on their shoulder. For He is there, standing at the right hand of those who need Him, seeing them, seeking to comfort them through their pain. Even if they cannot hear Him at the moment.
Where Did You Find God Today? 