Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6
I used to think of the salt in this verse as table salt. My speech and attitude should be yummy to digest, not bitter or sour. Maybe I am confusing salt with honey … oh, well.
But God had brought a new meaning to mind. My speech should be soft. Non-threatening, calm, and cool. You see, salt is used to soften water so the harsh chemicals are not left behind on the shower glass, your clothes, and the dishes. If you have dealt with hard water stains, you know how hard it is to erase them. It takes time and elbow grease.
I think the same is true with our words. Harsh, hurtful ones can take a long time to erase. People who bully others into cowering so that they can dominate leave a residual effect that can last for years. Over time, if the same person keeps being subjected to bullying, it can build up into a cloudy, yucky mess that films over their view of life. It etches into their psyche.
Psychotherapists often state that one should never engage with an irrational, self-edifying person. They are not interested in reason. They are too full of emotion. They seek to demean others so they can feel more in power. They crave attention and an audience, even if it is a negative one. They are manipulative and conniving, usually quite smart and quick thinking. You cannot win at their game.
Instead, soften your voice. Be gracious, slow to anger, and if necessary, walk away. Pray before you respond and ask the Holy Spirit to speak through you if you are prompted to do so, as Paul says above in Colossians, you know what to say. This isn’t being a wimp. It takes strength of character to not engage.
And pray for the person who wants to push your buttons to get a rise out of you. Arm yourself with the shield of Truth called God’s Word to keep the arrows of beligerence from penetrating your heart. Rely on the salt of Christ to help dissolve any residual build-up.
Another thing about salt – it can put out a fire. I always keep a canister in my pantry in case of a grease fire, although I rarely cook with oils or grease. In fact, I think I have packed and unpacked the same canister for the last thirty years. Do they still make them with the little girl and an umbrella on the logo?
Anyway, when dealing with someone who is confrontational, it may be better not to “add fuel to the fire” by confronting them. This is a biblical truth. And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. James 3:6
Jesus remained silent before Pilate and the crowds. He knew if he gave in to the urge to defend Himself, it would not fare well. When his family showed up where he preached and demanded he speak with them, he quietly asked his followers, who exactly were his family? Answer: the ones who do my Father’s will. He didn’t argue with his family members. He ignored them. (See Matthew 12:45-50, also in Mark 3 and Luke 8 ). He told his disciples when He sent them out in pairs that if they encountered antagonism to walk away and head to the next village instead. (Matthew 10:14).
Strength is not so much in the power of our tongues but in the power to restrain them and to know when and what to say in a calm, respectful manner. There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
Paul tells us in Galatians 5 that in order for the Holy Spirit to bear fruit in us we should strive to be gentle, have forbearance and self-control, be guided by love and kindness, and cultivate goodness and joy. We need to place God’s agenda ahead of our own. Be a witness of peace. Put salt on the flames.
Lately, I have had to practice these things. They are not easy. My human nature wants me to stand up for myself. My ego is tired of being misunderstood and bruised. I have a few friends who are in the same trial right now. It seems there is a lot of anger in the world right now and narcissistic, domineering attitudes are nearing epidemic proportions. The need to control is magnified when chaos is worldwide, I guess.
But our worth is found in our Lord. Self-esteem needs will wither when God-esteem blooms. IF our Creator loves us unconditionally, what need is there for competition? When He is in control of our lives, our emotions, and our motives, peace reigns. Jealousy and hatred dissolve like, well, salt on a slug. Fires are put out, and words are softened.
I sincerely hope if someone tells me I am a salty old person, I will smile and whisper, “Thank you.”
Where Did You Find God Today? 