
Sometimes, I have doubts. I know I am not supposed to, but I’ve always been one who judged my efforts by tangible results. It’s why I love to clean–my house, the church altar, the car. I immediately see the fruits of my labor and it feels good.
As a digital missionary who writes and edits for The Life Project,but not yet fully funded to do the work, my efforts are not always as visible. I become frustrated and wonder if they will tell me they can’t use me anymore because I can’t pay my way, which would break my heart.
Or as an author who struggles to get anyone to read or review her novels, even if those who do usually award them 4-5 stars. (I can picture other writer and authors nodding. We all struggle with it.)
Sometimes, I just wonder…am I even making a difference? Why put out the effort? Am I fooling myself? Should I just hang this all up?
God quietly responded this past week. “You are doing fine, daughter. Keep going.” How?
- My Life Project team sent me gifts as a thank you for my service and a nice note telling me how vital I am to the ministry.
- One of my articles saved a Satanist, helped another woman in an abusive relationship, and has now been translated into French and picked up by two other missionary publications, reaching thousands more than most of the other articles.
- A friend told me one devotional I wrote was exactly what she needed to hear that day.
- Another devo converted a man in prison, and he has made copies for others to read.
I say this not to puff up my ego, but to show that if we ask, God will provide proof that we are in His will, even if we can’t see it. It was a confirmation that He not only has a purpose for me but loves me enough to show me, the one exhibiting a “ye of little faith” moment.
But then, as if to drive home the point, God intervened again.
I set a pot of eggs to boil on the stove, then gathered my trash, hung it to my walker, and shuffled it across the way to the apartment dumpster. When I came back inside, the place smelled weird and my cat kept sneezing. I turned the corner to see flames leaping on top of my stove.
I’d placed a pair of kitchen shears too close to the burner. The toxic odor of burning plastic quickly filled my nostrils and made my eyes water. Terrified, I prayed a split second prayer. What do I do?
My logical side kicked in. I put out the fire, clicked on the stove vent, and opened the patio door and windows to air the place out. Soon both my cat and I began to breathe better. And I’d caught it in time, so the fire alarm didn’t blare in our ears.
So why do I contribute this to God answering me? Feeling fairly good for once, I’d thought about also dragging my walker up to the front of my large complex to get my mail, but then got a strong message, “Um, no. Don’t do that. Go back and get your car keys. That is a too much of a trek in your condition.”
Had I ignored that thought and gone anyway, the whole kitchen might have caught fire, the fire alarm blare, and who knows what would have happened to my cat, which is apartment bound, as he inhaled all of those fumes.
Some might say it was my subconscious or the “universe” that made me change my mind. To me, God’s Holy Spirit did, and in the process, confirmed three more things. First, He is always watching over me. Second, He is ready to guide me. Third, He cares about things like me not losing my eight-year-old cat after having to put down my nineteen-year-old one two weeks ago.
Recently, I found a holy pat on the back through little things that happened one right after the other. Where will you find God today? Why not ask Him to reveal Himself and confirm His love and purpose for you?
Julie, this is so uncanny…I’m writing a blog for Heart’wings’ on the 27th that deals with learning to listen to that still small voice directing our paths. One step at a time.
We all suffer from that “What am I doing here?” syndrome. And like you last week I too had a confirmation…keep on keeping on…doing exactly what I put in front of you to do.
But we are in a war zone and Satan is forever pulling, shoving, and trying to trip us up. The Word tells us “Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.”..when I am weak, then Jesus makes me strong and my paths straighten…at least for the moment ’til I reclaim my footing and get ready for the next skirmish. ❤
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